so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
