Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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