i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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