Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
