yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize