You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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