I CAN MOONWALK!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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