He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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