i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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