She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this boner is exhausting
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
