I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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