We're like a lot better than the average bears
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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