Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
