I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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