am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
