fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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