Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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