thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Buhtt sex?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
