Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
