i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
