Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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