oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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