Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize