u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
