Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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