if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
