Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
