i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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