New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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