It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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