dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
