After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
