I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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