I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
