So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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