i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
