It's Friday. Sex?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
