its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
