i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
