i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
