alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
