you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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