We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
