ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
