I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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