k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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