At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
