I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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