Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
