Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
