i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
