where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
