If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
