So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize