i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
