I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize