Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
