When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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