I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i now understand why vodka
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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