i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
