we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
