Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
