lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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