Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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