She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
