I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
