I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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